Sorry, bud, I can't let you play with that.

I'm headed off to Japan next week, and during the weekend several of us will be climbing Mt. Fuji at night. Apparently it's a big deal to be at the top of the mountain when the sun rises. Since we're climbing in the dark, I went and bought a clip-on head lamp that will attach to my hat.I want to show this to the Monkey, but I can't. I really just can't. And there are three very specific reasons.

• First, he would definitely want to play with it until either the batteries ran down or it broke.
• Second, he would want to disassemble it in the Secret Lab. For those who don't know, the Secret Lab is where he and I routinely go to take stuff apart to see how it works. I should clarify that "Secret Lab" is something of a misnomer. It is neither secret nor a lab. Pretty much anyone who can infiltrate our house (such as by knocking on the door) is told about it. And it's not really a lab, it's more of a master closet.
• Third, he would want to keep it in his bed. That's the greatest honor he can show to a piece of electronics - keeping it in his bed at night. I can usually convince him to at least keep it on a nightstand or at the foot of his bed, but often we'll find all kinds of toys under his pillow the next day.

So, sorry bud. You can play with it all you want when I bring it back, but for now I kind of need it to work.

Waiting

I don't like summer. I really don't. And I feel like I've come by my dislike for summer honestly, for two reasons.

First, I live in a place where the summers are absolutely miserable. Right now it's 100.6 degrees outside. There's no way in the world anyone could enjoy this. It was even worse when I was a kid. Growing up in Argentina, we lived in a place where the climate was very similar to here, but we had no air conditioning. My parents eventually got a window unit in their bedroom and on the most uncomfortable of nights my sister and I were allowed to sleep on their bedroom floor. Then, the year before we left, my parents got a window unit for MY room, on the condition that I had to let my little sister sleep in there with me. TOTALLY worth it. But most of the time, our house was just hot.

Secondly, I've had more than my fair share of summers. Since we often traveled back from Argentina after the summer there (and into the summer here), in my 32 years of existence I figure I've gone through something like 35 summers and only 29 winters.

So as the season wears on, I begin looking forward to those little hints that the end is in sight. The summer solstice is a good example. Sure, it's the official start of the summer season, but from this point forward the days are getting shorter, which helps some. It's also nice when the summer movie season winds down. Once The Dark Knight comes out, most of the blockbusters will have come and gone, and so we can start talking about the fall movie season.

But my first real sign of the end of the season came in the mail yesterday:

That's right, it's a flyer for a fall clothing sale. A subtle thing, to be sure, but there it is. Soon, the back-to-school ads will start, and I can start smiling smugly at the little kids out on the street, throwing baseballs and riding their little punk-scooters until late at night, threatening to wake my children who have to be in bed at 7:30. Their time will come soon, a time when they'll have to be in bed at a decent hour as well.

And then maybe, just maybe, it won't be quite so hot outside...

The great questions of life

A friend of mine posed an interesting question to me today. Basically, she asked, “If a wizard turned you into a whale, would that be awesome?” This is the conversation that ensued by IM. I post it because I think it’s hilarious.

Friend
Hmm, I say No

Me
May I assume that I'm a KILLER whale, as shown in the picture?

Friend
You may

Me
Then, awesome. And I'd spend all day eating baby seals.

Friend
See, you had to go there, didn't you

Me
You make me a killer whale, and you expect me to NOT eat baby seals?! That's a lot to ask.

Friend
You should befriend a troubled preteen who has to do community service at the local sea life park for vandalizing their water tanks
And then Michael Jackson will write a song for you

Me
Can I eat the preteen at the end of their service time?

Friend
And you will take a mighty leap over the jetty in the ocean to escape the bad guys

Me
I mean, I'm a killer whale, I'm pretty hungry.

Friend
Yeah, because that kid was pretty annoying

Me
Yeah, he was. Can I eat Michael Jackson?

Friend
I don't know if you'd want to - I believe he's made entirely of plastic, polyester wigs, and eyeliner
Oh, and a single glove

Me
Maybe there'd be little nutritional value, but you'd certainly be doing the world a favor.

Friend
Yeah, I was going to say it might not be satisfying to your hunger, per se
But there might still me some gratification

Statistical probability

This is a great story. According to CNN, the Virginia State Lottery continued to sell tickets for which the top prize had already been won. Some businessman figured out that the top prize was no longer available and is now suing the state lottery commission for damages equal to the number of tickets that were sold while the top prize wasn't available ($85 million).

So, to be clear, the odds of winning the top prize in the Virginia State Lottery are 1 in 175 million. This guy's odds of winning that prize had gone from astronomically negligible to actually zero. And now he's suing.

This is why everyone should be required to take a basic statistics course before playing the lottery.

This is why Japan is so awesome.

This video is the perfect example of why Japan is so awesomely bizarre. Apparently this is some kind of game show.

Acceptance

Disclaimer: The following post is NOT a statement of my personal philosophy or beliefs. It's an account of an experience that I had and some subsequent thoughts about that experience. Please do not think that this is my final, fully thought-out and concluded opinion on these issues. This post is just me thinking out loud.

I'm at a conference in San Francisco this week. I've never even been to California, so I was very excited about this trip. I had an experience yesterday though that was completely unexpected and got me to thinking about some stuff.

I saw the Gay Pride Parade. Not a gay pride parade, the Gay Pride Parade.

I didn't mean to. Well, not at first anyway. I was meeting an old friend of mine who was coming in on a train. I walked out of my hotel and noticed a bunch of people gathering on the side of the street, so I asked a security guard what was going on. Turns out the San Francisco Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transsexual (GLBT) Parade was starting right outside the front door of the hotel. As I had some time to kill before my friend showed up (which ended up being an hour and a half through no fault of his) I just sat and people-watched.

It was one of the freakiest things I've ever seen. I've been lots of place, and I thought I understood how the world worked, but this was a completely new experience for me. First of all, let me say that there were some serious, no-holds-barred fruitcakes. I saw one guy, tanned and shaved and completely naked walking down the street (where did he keep his wallet?). I saw at least two guys riding bikes wearing shirts - and nothing else. There was a woman wearing a tight shirt with cutouts for her nipples. There was another woman was had one breast hanging freely out of her shirt. I saw a transsexual who was wearing an S&M outfit who appeared to have had her breasts surgically removed. I saw one guy who was wearing little besides a length of pantyhose wrapped around his genitals.

These people fit every stereotype I've ever had (and many I didn't even know I had) for how gay people should look, dress, and act. But there was something else I noticed. Something a a little more subtle. Many of them were holding signs that said something like "Together for 22 years, married for one week." As you know, in the last few weeks it effectively became legal to get married in California. These people were celebrating their new opportunities. They were walking with the kids they were raising together. I was even standing there when the mayor of San Francisco drove through, and everyone around me was cheering "Thank you!"

So this got me to thinking about the issue of gay marriage in this country. Stay with me here - I'm just thinking this out. Don't burn me at the stake for this one.

First of all, let me say that I believe that homosexuality is a sin. That is certainly not a popular viewpoint (especially for 99% of the people in this city), but I really do believe that the Bible teaches sex is meant for a man and woman. Specifically, I think that it teaches that sex is meant for a husband and a wife. Seriously, hold on, I'm going somewhere with this.

Many Christians claim that marriage between two people of the same sex is not holy. But I contend that many, many heterosexual marriages that take place in this country are not holy. When my wife and I got married, it was a binding contract between ourselves and our God that we would live our lives together and for Him. That is not what the legal and societal institution of marriage is in this country. From the government's perspective, marriage is effectively non-religious. So applying the argument that we should deny that right to gay people on religious grounds seems inconsistent; shouldn't we then be denying it to anyone for whom the marriage is not a holy contract, as is the case for the vast majority of marriages in our country?

Let's put it a different way (and I may really rock the boat on this one): why is it okay for two atheists to get married, but it's not okay for two gay people to get married? In neither case are they recognizing the holy aspect of a marriage, so why arbitrarily say one is okay but not the other?

Of course, once you start down that path, it gets really ugly. Does that mean you can only get married in a Christian church? What if I don't believe my wife should submit to me? What if I'm not a biblical literalist, or a pre- or post-millenialist? All of a sudden, we're living in a theocracy, and that's a scary place to be. The bigger question becomes - what is the place for our particular religious beliefs in the government's legislation?

So maybe we just say the gay people can get married. They're grownups, they both love each other (at least, as much as most heterosexuals do), so why shouldn't the state recognize that?

Now, tell me why I'm wrong...

See if you recognize this guy.

This is way cool.